GO BIG OR GO HOME….! GO BIG AND GO HOME…! OR JUST GO HOME!!!

KATUA, THE MAN IN A MISSION

Both Katua and Kamau worked in ‘Pat-Supplies’, a hardware owned by Patel in Kariokor. On that Thursday Katua was so nice to Kamau and everyone wondered what was happening because Katua was a lot of things but nice to people was not one of them. Earlier that week Katua was told by their employer- Patel that he could have a three day off from work. He had waited for the good news for nearly four months and so he was excited that he would travel home after nearly a whole year away. He quickly told his parents who lived with his five other siblings in Mumbuni-Machakos that come Friday he would finally be home. Everyone at home was excited: His father knew he would get money to brag while drinking beer at the local brew den, his mother knew that she would finally cook chapati and upon thinking about how her neighbours’ would envy her she felt so good and of course his siblings knew they would eat a lot of good stuff that was not githeri and they would have the coolest story to tell in school.

Even with a meager wage he managed to save and so shopping for his family would not be a problem: But he had one major problem in his mind-Mueni. Mueni was the yellow skin girl Katua had a serious crash on since they were in primary school, and now that he had been in the city he knew he had an advantage over Mutune who according to the village rumour mill was dating or sneaking (let your imagination go

photo courtesy of: modespices.info

wild) around with Mueni. He thought it through and decided that a smartphone would definitely topple Mutune who was a cook at the local Secondary school. Among all the workers only Kamau owned a ‘smartphone’ although Onyango and Onyancha said it was fake, but Katua cared not. He approached Kamau and asked if he could borrow his phone over the weekend, “Na nikikupea mimi nitasaidika aje?” he retorted (How will giving you my phone benefit me?). Katua promised to bring Kamau five kilograms of green grams for free from Mumbuni and so the deal was on. Kamau was however well known for going back on his promises and Katua knew he had to be in good books with him, so he played nice through the week.

That Thursday was the D-day, Katua would find out whether his plans to impress Mueni would be thwarted. At the end of the workday Kamau seemed to avoid Katua and he knew he had to step up his game so he bought him rice viazi (rice with potatoes stew) at the food vendor to soften the grounds for negotiations. Kamau finally gave in and gave Katua the phone. His act of generosity was however loaded with commandments and warnings, “Ukiharibu hii simu utanipea 20K bila negotiations” (If you cause any damages to my phone you will pay fifteen thousand shillings and there will be no negotiations about that). He made sure to speak so loudly that everyone present would be a witness. Everyone including Katua knew Kamau’s price was an extreme exaggeration but he still had a reputation of collecting his dues no matters how dubious they were. Nevertheless, Katua agreed and left to his house to get some sleep and most importantly to learn the way around the ‘new’ phone.

Upon arrival in his home in Mumbuni, Katua made sure that Kisinga his youngest sibling went to Mueni’s home and yapped about him having new and expensive things: a phone, shoes, a trouser, etc. Over lunch his siblings sat around him as he narrated to them about life in the ‘city under the sun’, his job and off-course ‘his’ expensive new phone. He dropped names like: Whats-app, USB, power bank, selfie and all the other cool things about and around smart phones that he had recently learnt, he did not care whether he had not actually used any of them but he was sure by the time Mueni came to say hi to him he would be flawless bragging to her and would obviously win her love or overthrow Mutune, he would be content with any of the two.

After lunch Katua put the phone under his pillow in fear of tampering by his siblings as he wanted to visit the latrine which was a good distance from the main house. When he came back from the latrine Musau, one of his siblings was whistling from the smoke filled kitchen and Kisinga and the others were playing hide and seek, basically no one was in sight. He smelt something had gone awfully wrong while he was away, he rushed into his bedroom praying that whatever it was, it had nothing to

photo courtesy of: roguenaturopath.com

do with his phone, but no it had everything to do with it. The phone was on the table and its screen had a bad crack, he tried to put it on with no success. His pulse rate increased, thoughts on how to pay back Kamau and impress Mueni were competing for his attention, he began to sweat profusely and got out to catch some air, and then he saw Mueni. She had just arrived and by the look on her face Katua could tell she was ready to give him a chance or rather give the coolest man in the village a chance.

The broken phone had already ruined everything. In the split of a second he decided that figuring out a way to pay Kamau was his priority. He hurriedly said hi to her and excused himself. He needed to come up with a payback formula that inevitably meant structuring a fail proof lie to help him get some money from his grandpa who owned the biggest herd of cattle in the village and who fortunately was also his best friend.